DOUBTING MYSELF

With my horrible headache gone and into a new day, I began to ponder if the night of fun and partying had really existed. Was it just a fantasy or a reality that took place right here in apt 9 nine.

As I entered my shower, I began scrubbing my body to rid the paint that was indeed definitely on me. Did I paint myself? No way. Did my 'phantom' lover come in and paint my nude body with intricacy that was a work of art to behold? All I wanted to do was to get as much off as I could. I scrubbed my round soft breast's, feeling my body down to my private parts much to my own pleasure. I felt the paint run down my thighs, glad that it was becoming a thing of the past. And so was Dan.

As I was getting dressed, the phone rang. My heart skipped a beat when I heard that familiar voice. My eyes closed, and I took a deep breath, not thinking he would call. It was Dan! He wanted to come over and talk with me, but the first thing out of my mouth was that today wouldn't be a good day. Today, tomorrow, next week, any day at that very moment would not have been good. I wanted to see him again, but thought we both should wait a while until he returned, and he agreed to call me back later that night. I just stood there, knowing I had to focus on something so totally different at that very moment, as I wouldn't be alone for very long. I was glad it at least ended with him wanting to call me back later in the evening.

So there was this strange contraption decorating my table, and with my apartment lit in a red light, it looked like some freak show. I have all sorts of toys, after all, I'm a party girl, and I love to play games. All sort's of games. And while the game is on, I hear sorted secrets that have become a part of what happens in apt. 9. Dressing for the part, I had to focus on my next visitor due to come over shortly.

The idea of thinking for one minute if my party had been real or not was troubling to me. Was I in denial over a night of exotic pleasures that I didn't want to admit to? Why not? I had enjoyed whatever I wanted to, and this time wasn't any different. Denying what you like, is denying yourself, and I never denied anything I wanted to do, even if it was strange and bizarre.

I went into my bedroom, and dressed in stiletto's and dark nylons. I looked at myself in the mirror with approval. My guest who had just arrived thought the same. We talked for a short while, and he told me he loved how I looked. I told him it was just for him, but that couldn't be farthest from the truth. He set the pace, not knowing what was about to happen. He looked at the 'hand' and handcuff dangling from the small table, and thought that was a good place to start. It was.

A NIGHT DRIVE

The evening before was crazy. But did this night really take place, or was it just all in my head? I was beginning to doubt myself.

I got up and got dressed. I went for a ride in my car to clear my head. I just drove around and again told myself to get a grip, that I hadn't been like this for a good long while, and it wasn't conducive to my lifestyle. If I wanted to mope all day long about one man, then perhaps I should get a 9 to 5 type of job like most everyone else does in life. But when I chose to abandon all that nonsense, all the bullshit that comes with the hope of just one man in your life that dominates your every thought, I knew this wasn't for me. So I kept on driving and kept on thinking that things are ok and all is well.

I stopped to get something to eat, then returned to my apartment to get a good nights sleep and everything would return to normal. I won't let a stranger rule my feelings, even if he should ever return or not. I loved to play, and playing at keeping secrets excited me. I knew I would hear another, and I couldn't wait. I was like the 'mother Teresa' of hearing and keeping those secrets, secrets that men would tell me and it fueled my need to hear more.

When I got into bed, I was still feeling a bit woozy, so I laid there, getting comfortable in my soft sheets that draped around me, and hoped maybe my dream of my foreign journey would come back. I heard a slight knock at my door, but ignored it as I had been doing. If I should get a visitor tomorrow, that would be fine, but right now was the time to sleep and to welcome torrow.

A RAINY DAY IN NEW ORLEANS

The incident with Dan was just another set back to deal with. I never thought it would end like this. My delusional visions of ridiculous thoughts of him and I were really in the way of the reality of things. Yet I never thought it would end the way it did. Soon after I threw Dan out of my apartment, and asked him to never return again, it began to rain. The day was gloomy, with gray clouds, and now very wet. Yet when I looked out to the street from my apartment window, it had a peaceful look to it, very scenic, very pretty and very sad.





I rarely get sad, but today was one of those days. My dream of being in a distant land, investigating all that was foreign to me, allowing me to indulge in what seemed to be secret alley ways that let to somewhere, to doors that led to a home, windows to look out from once inside. I wanted to go back to my dream, if only I could. I thought of Dan, and still wondered why he got to me like he did. Why him? I convinced myself he was like all the rest, and would be better off not to deal with a situation that would never work in the first place.

In my usual laid back disposition, I found myself just hanging out, nursing my headache, and still dealing with my painted body. This crap can stay on for days, so I didn't think much of it, and just chilled. And cried. From the wild night before, and the shower fuck with Dan, I had to calm down from it all, and made myself some hot tea.

The day proceeded to carry on, and the evening wasn't too much better. Before I could get over my slump, I would have to go through it, and it didn't feel very good. I thought about going on a vacation, and a friend of mine had not too long ago asked to take me to the Bahamas. Maybe that would be the thing to do. In a mean time, I was miserable.

The rain came poring down, but it didn't seem to stop my visitors from coming over. I'm sure they were surprised my door was locked, and I just ignored their arrival. Soon they would leave and the sound of silence was golden to my ears. Even with my head hurting, I enjoyed the sound of the rain hitting the cement streets like a ton of bricks. As I looked out from my window again, the street view was desolate, with it's soaking wet sidewalks and the illumination of gray all around. The street lights didn't have it's usual and somewhat golden hue. It was just a gloomy gray evening.

I turned the television on, hardly with any sound, and there I saw a woman's face taking up the entire screen. It looked strange and wondered what it meant, but I didn't want to hear anything, so the visual alone was going to have to do. The images seemed strange, like two faces in one. The visual effects intrigued me, and whatever the story line was became useless, just figures on the screen were good enough. It looked like the woman was in dispare, and I related. Soon I thought to myself, a good secret would be an interesting cure, and before I knew it, I was told one.

As I reminisced of the night before, I knew I would never invite Dan to something like that. How he found out puzzled me, but bad news travels fast, and so he knew. I could always disguise it, but then why should I? Right? What do YOU think? It was just a party and some parties get carried away. I knew if I wanted to, I could probably come up with something convincing, but he wasn't coming back anyway so it didn't matter. Dan was still a stranger to me, just like the rest, and maybe if I continue to repeat myself with the same words, I could possibly believe the hype I was saying, although true to some extent. Right now I just wanted my headache and the paint on my body to go away. After the first initial scrub, my headache was foremost on my list to rid, so I tried to sleep it off.

RUDE AWAKENING

It's the ending where I wake up, full of body paint, groggy with sadness and tiredness. I want to return to the narrow alley ways I walked through. I wanted to once again raise my glass of wine and make a toast with the people at the restaurant. To the artist to pose for him, and to the handsome young man I never got to know. I break out in a cold sweat and immediately sit up in bed, half dazed about the dream I just had. I walk slowly into my cold bathroom and turn on hot water to get myself out of this stupor.

I could barley walk with a horrific headache, when someone enters my apartment. I shout out for them to get out, when I lift my head up, and I see Dan starring at me, wondering what freight train had just run over me. I told him he needed to knock, then told me one else needed to! I looked at him shocked and dismayed.

'So, you're', ..stopping his next word that was about to come out of his mouth. Yeah, 'I'm...about to take a shower and I need to be left alone', was my reply. He told me I looked like I had one hell of a time, and the paint all over my body looked terribly sexy. He said he was upset he wasn't invited to the mayhem from the night before. I told him next time, and that I would call him when I was feeling better. I then asked him leave.

I got into the shower, grateful for the warm water drenching me with relief. I foamed up wanting to rinse off as fast as I could when Dan suddenly reappears, nude, entering my shower. He picks me up and leans me against the corner of the cold tile wall, spreads my legs apart, wrapping them around his hips and fucks me. I wrapped my arms around him, crying with every thrust he gives me. I dig my nails into his back and scream loudly when I come. His moan turns into a grunting sound as the water is beating off his back from the forceful shower spray.

He then sits on the shower floor, sitting there with his hands to his face. As I try to pass him, he grabs me and drags me into the bedroom, only to blindfold me and ties me to the bed in an upright position. This doesn't seem to be Dan. He turned into a crazy man, wanting revenge.

I told him he was acting out of character, that all this was stupid, still sobbing from when we were in the shower. I told him if he wanted to play rough, this wasn't the time. I screamed at him to take the blindfold off me and to untie me and he did. I then told him to get out and to never come back.

WALKING WITH ANGELS

I'm drifting off into a land I've only seen in books and magazines, on poster boards and travel brochures. Into the slumber I'm now drifting into, I enter in a strange and beautiful place I never want to leave.

I enter a long narrow alley way, somewhere foreign to me, that's entrancing and melodic. I hear voices in my head, guiding me where to go, and so I keep walking into quaint narrow alley ways that seem as if I had once lived there long ago in another time. The voices are singing to me, almost with a sacred tone to it, and I keep on walking. They are guiding my every step.

There in the far distance where there are many door ways, I see a man with dark hair, a handsome man who is trying to seduce me. For whatever the strange reason may be, I resist him. I walk forward, only to see the same man again in other doorways, asking me why I don't want to be with him. I tell I do, but that I can't. And so I keep on walking, and I keep hearing these beautiful almost angelic like voices singing in my head, a sound like no other sound I have ever heard. It's so calming, so reassuring, so real and true, like a loving mother giving you the love and security you can bet your life on.

So what is this? Where am I? I now see an elderly man with a Venetian style hat on, and he's an artist. I see him at his doorway, and he invites me in to see his art work. I go inside, and I see these beautiful works of art, skillfully done, that only a master could have accomplished. I tell him I am very taken back by his work, and I see nudes in beautiful colors on easles, almost like a cross between a fusion of charcoal and oil. They are truly magnificent. He asks me to pose for him but I decline. He then takes me in to show me the other part of his home, a parlor, and it's like an Italian villa, but smaller, yet just as spectacular with a quaint and bohemian style. I love this place, a place I would like to live in, but I know I must leave and return to my walk.

I see other doorways, and ruins only European countries have, and I wish I could stay here. Within me, I know I would have to leave, something I don't want to do. It's like a journey, a mission that I'm to be on, and so my walk continues. Just a slight bit ahead, there's a restaurant, and people are in inside, talking, drinking some wine in simple but pretty glasses, toasting good cheers to each other, and feeling very good with each other. It's a strange thing, as not many people are eating. They are consumed with talking with each other and clinging their glasses together. When they see me, some hold their glass up to me, and ask me if I would like some wine. I have some, then I hold up my glass of wine and toast with them.

I am walking out, thanking them. I see the handsome man again, asking me why I don't like him. I tell him I do like him, but I have to continue my walk. He tells me he will meet me further up, and I agree. As clear and vivid as it all is, it has a smoky and unclear view. I can see, yet I can't see their faces that clearly, and knowing that something as wonderful as this will have a sad ending.

My walk continues, feeling this is real. If I play my cards right, I can stay right where I am, and I won't have to leave after all. I can now feel the air that is clean and brisk. I feel I am walking home, looking for my door, and being greeted by my husband, the handsome man with the dark hair. I reach out and again my hands are gliding across the brick that lines the walls in this mysterious new home of mine. But where is my door? How do I find my home? Then I see the number 9 on a door and I walk in.

IT'S PARTY TIME

Life is tough, and it's one big fat reality. Never but never let your emotions get the best of you, so, do what you do that comes naturally, therefore, I carried on as I know and do best. I didn't need a weighty mess on my hands, nor a noose around my neck to be concerned about.

Dan eventually left, after all, he couldn't stay forever. Look, I hardly know the guy, and from what he told me about his screwed up situation that almost got him killed, well, it made me nervous. He was staying at a friends apartment like he said, and when he left, he told me he wanted to stay longer but told him he had to leave. I had things to do, and when he started to inquire about what I was doing for the rest of the day, I told him 'things'. I left it at that, and proceeded to send him on his way as I do all the rest. It's safe that way, just a romp, no feelings, no emotions, and once they start, I cut it off. That simple. I didn't want to have feelings for him as I was already having, and I decided to stop the nonsense. He wasn't any different then the rest, so my life goes on as usual.

I received some phone calls a little later after he left, where 'friends' wanted to come over for a party. I organized a simple get together with a few people, a few guys, a few girls, a few drinks, a little music, and we would be ready to enjoy the evening. Once they would all arrive, I would lock my door so others wouldn't intrude.

After we all settled in so to speak, we had a few drinks, and we all relaxed. We then got creative in a very unique way. We each had a partner and we painted our naked bodies with bright neon paint. When my handsome visitor painted my nipples, it felt cold to the touch.





It was not just paint but air brushing, spraying out paint that had a strange but nice sensation. He then painted me in slow moving strokes, covering every inch of skin from my neck to my vagina. I loved the way the paint felt on me. He painted me to look like a 'jungle woman'. He would turn me around, and started on my back side. Each 'brush' stroke went from the small of my back down to my ass and to the inside of my inner things. When I looked in the mirror, I was amazed at how incredible it turned out. Now it was my turn to paint him. I started at the top and worked my way down. When I got to his penis, I painted it a bright green, and made it look like a snake. We danced to music playing in the background and acted like crazy people.

My apartment resembled a cluster fuck of everyone naked, and just being a fun group with each other. Secrets were blurted out, not something anyone would have said if they hadn't been drunk. As the evening progressed, the night turned into morning, and by the early morning hours, everyone had left.

APT 9 NINE

GETTING OUT OF BED WAS HARD TO DO

I didn't want to show a lot of emotion. I usually don't do that. It wasn't easy getting out of bed with this gorgeous man next to me. He was sleeping and he looked so delicious, all I wanted was to wake him and dig my fingers into his flesh. I just stood there against the wall, looking, thinking, and telling myself not to think too deeply into this, as this could be just another 'episode' in the life of Ava in apartment 9nine.

I heard my door opening, so I walked to my visitor, not allowing anyone in. This certainly wasn't the time to disrupt a wonderful moment. I was clinging onto it, knowing all too well that's not the thing to do. I of all people know this. Yet I went with the flow, and not knowing what to expect, I didn't seem to care. After all, my life would go on if nothing came of this, nor should I want anything to come of us. He was just a man like all the rest.

Within minutes he woke up, and looked at me standing against the wall. His warm greeting was a sight to behold, and told me I should get back in bed with him. I did. He started to cuddle with me, something I hadn't done in a long time. He held me close to him, and lovingly patted my head, and the side of my face. He slid downward, kissing my breast's and telling me I had a sexy body that he wanted to ravish all over again. His hand glided down onto my stomach, massaging my belly with gentle pressure. It felt so good that I didn't want him to move his hand, to leave it right where it was. He began to add more pressure, massaging upward to my rib cage and downward again to the lower part of my belly. Hitting my g-spot, I came with no problem. It amazes me how that happens, he's not even inside me and I could come with just a massage in the right place.

His erect penis needed some attention that I gladly obliged to, yet first, lying there regaining consciousness from a wonderful organsm. I touched the top of his dick, smearing the precum around the head of his penis. I stroked it, putting it in me, as he now was on me, riding me good and hard. Just within a few thrusts, he came and he lay ontop of me, regaining his consciousness from a delightful little romp.

I was fidgeting in my seat, as I was looking at Dan, fantasizing about exploring every inch of his body. Remembering how he looked in my apartment, blood all over his body, how he looked in his hospital bed. I couldn't help myself, but all I could think about was having sex with him. I remembered a painting I saw in an art book by Odd Kerdrum of lovers kissing. I couldn't wait.

He slumped into my couch, cocooned comfortably as if he lived here. His comfort level was comforting to me, to see him like that, but out of the blue, I started to think if this guy may have had a wife that he wasn't telling me about. He said he didn't have anyone, but who really knew. Men tell you all sorts of things, while leaving certain facts out. Although I believed him, I had to not care whatever waited for him he could possibly return to.

The day turned into evening, and we left to eat at this very special restaurant. It was cozy and intimate, and had a bohemian feel to it. I wondered how many other women he had taken there. He was quite the gentleman, but all I wanted to do was to hurry back to my apartment and fall into his arms.

When we returned, he fell into the couch again, but I told him my bed was a lot more comfortable then the couch. He got up, grabbed me and kissed me hard.
We layed on the bed, slowly undressing each other. Bandages were taped on his chest and wrists, and his stomach was bandaged as well. I stroked his chest very gently, then touched his face, feeling his cheek bones, his jaw line, and his throat.

He looked into my eyes again and held his face right up to mine. He began slowly sliding his tongue over my lips from one end to the other. I then sucked his tongue, kissing him eagerly. I didn't want to hold back. I wanted him like I never wanted any other man I knew, and I didn't know why. I felt his muscular thighs wrap around me, feeling his chest rest on mine as he drew me closer to him. His weight on my body felt like a mass of muscles, and I was holding onto him tightly, while I stroked his back with my fingertips. He lifted himself up, showing me his erected penis, and he wanted me to stroke it. My hand covered it and I began stroking it, then kissing it gently. I put it in my mouth, sucking it and licking it up and down, feeling the veins from the base to the tip.

I couldn't wait for him to be inside me. He kissed my breasts with force, while holding me tight around the upper part of my body. His hands were wrapped around me, holding me tight, taking my breath away. He glided his mouth to my sides, kissing my rib cage. By now, I was screaming for him to enter me, but he waited to tantalize me all the more. At first, all I could was just lye there, and enjoy whatever he was doing to me.

He slid downward on my body and his mouth was on my vagina, his tongue sucking my clitoris gently, then licking it up and down, then harder until I came. He then entered me, and moved so rigorously, his hard penis penetrating me so deeply that I came again. He too came and with a loud moan, while I felt his cum inside me. Our fluids ran all over, saturating the sheets. I didn't want to close my eyes. I was afraid he would disappear as my 'phantom' did, and I would never see him again. I had to. I wondered if he wanted me as much as I wanted him. As we rested with his head on my chest, he lay there telling me how much I meant to him. I wrapped my arms around him with our bodies totally entwined with each other. Soon after, he made love to me again.

DAN COMES BACK TO MY APARTMENT

Dan was finally discharged from the hospital. He called and asked me if he could come by, and I told him he could. He said he was eager to see me, and to thank me for what I had done for him. I didn't think I did anything, but according to Dan, I did. So, I took the compliment, and left it at that, at least for now.

I couldn't wait to see him. He took a cab over, and when he finally arrived, I was so surprised. He was cleaned up, and he looked healthy. He walked slowly towards me, and I walked towards him as we both greeted each other with a hug and a kiss.

I had him sit down on my comfortable sofa, and offered him a drink. My choice was either coffee or something cold and he took a ginger ale. I asked him how his wounds were doing, and he said they were well into the healing stage, and he would be as good as new. He began asking me why I hadn't come back to see him after my first visit and simply told him that I didn't really know why. He stared at me, saying nothing at all. His beautiful brown eyes looked deep into my soul, and I didn't want him to know much about me so I looked away.

All I could think of was to touch him, to feel him like I did when we were at the hospital, and I wanted to devour him right then and there. I breathed easily, taking a few breaths, not showing him my eagerness. I just sat there, wanting to pull him into me.

So, I began asking him what incident had occurred that led to what nearly got him killed. I mean, you don't run into someone bleeding half to death in the middle of your living room on a daily basis, now do you?

He took a deep breath, and told me he would tell me, and then as he started to, I interupted him by asking if he wanted anything to eat. Then, I suggested that he wait to tell me, and since the day was bright and sunny, we should go outside to enjoy the city. He thought it a good idea, but really wanted to just sit with me, to talk and see where he was 'rescued' in a more clearer light.

Just then, someone was walking into my apartment. I went over to my visitor to tell him I was busy and not to come back until a few days. I spoke in a soft voice, and he was gone in seconds. Dan was about to leave, thinking a 'friend' came over and didn't want to intrude, but told him I had no plans. I locked the door.

He went into a deep dark explanation of his involvement with people he met at a club one night, and told me everything. I just sat there and listened with horror and amazement. How horrible to be caught up in something you have nothing to do with, then be blamed for it.

He drank down the cold ginger ale I poured for him, and asked to use the bathroom. When he came out, he fell back unto my couch, letting me know that he would move into an apartment with a friend of his, but only temporarily until he found an apartment of his own. I wasn't about to let him stay with me as it just wouldn't be the thing to do. I mean, I could have offered but as things were for now, it wouldn't go over very well.

We continued to sit in my living room, seeing him gaze over the entire room, taking everything in. He took my hand, and gently brought it up to his lips, and kissed it. He kept on looking at my hand, telling me what pretty hands I have. He admired my finger nails as well, and told me how lovely I was. I couldn't say anything. I just looked at his handsome face and knew he may still be in danger.

COME IN, AND TELL ME YOUR SECRET

Why don't you come in today and make yourself at home, ok? I'm talking to YOU, not my neighbor Mike, not Dan, not a visitor who popped in, but to YOU!

I'd like to hear some of your secrets? You do have some don't you? I know you do. Come inside and stay with me a while. I'm good company. And I'm a good listener.

Would you like for me to put the t.v. on? There.

We can still talk with the t.v. on. Whenever you want it off, I can shut it off, or you can do it.

So tell me, what's on your mind? What secret do you have that you'd like to get off your chest? Don't worry now, I won't tell anyone.

Ok, I'll go first.

When I was 21 I wanted to become a nun. So I thought. At 21 I really didn't know what I was going to do within the next ten seconds, no less make a decision on something like that, so in my mind I thought I would try it. Well, you don't try to become a nun. But what did I know? I was clueless and it was all a game to me. Anyway I went into this convent in New Orleans and told them I wanted to devote my life to God. I wanted to become a nun. At first they didn't believe me, telling me that giving up all the sins of the world, not doing certain things anymore would have to be a thing of the past. I told them that wasn't a problem.

I went in, and just two days later while I stayed there in a small room of my own, a priest came in and assaulted me. He told me to take my clothes off as I would need purification, and that there was a procedure to go through. I listened to whatever he told me to do, and stood there nude in front of a mirror. He asked me to name all my body parts as he pointed to them with a long pointer. I did. He then began to fondle my breasts, asking me how many men I had slept with. I told him not many, and he said he didn't believe me. He then began to hold me real close to him and held onto my thighs and began rubbing them. I knew this wasn't right, but thought I would give him a run for his money.

I played dumb, and told him I didn't know much, so I thought I would play him by acting out like I was naive and fuck with him. He wasn't bad looking so I didn't mind doing him. I could see this man wasn't a man of any spiritually of any sort, so he deserved what he was about to get. I asked him to be purified with me, as that would be something we could become one with, and he quickly agreed. He didn't take long to disrobe.

But not before he did a few more things to be. He put his hand on my vagina, and was pulling gently at my pubic hairs. He stroked upwards all the way to my neck, thinking he may now try to strangle me. He then had me lie down on his bed, massaging my breast's again, and then went to finger me. He was telling me how beautiful my body was, and that he had never seen such a beautiful woman before. I helped him get his robe off, and saw a nice hairy chest. I began to gently pull the hair on his chest and told him he too had a nice body. He told me he'd like to show me more of him, and so I saw more. I then pushed him down next to me and began stroking his dick. I then got on top of him, eager to stick it in me. I began humping him so hard, and being quite loud. He was afraid a nun would come in to see what all the commotion was. I told him I couldn't help myself, but hoping a nun would come in and see us. The bastard deserved to be caught.

Then I would stop, hoping he wouldn't come so fast. At this point, I didn't care if I got in trouble, after all, what could happen? They'd kick me out of the convent? I didn't want to stay anyway, especially when I learned what this asshole was all about. I wanted him to get caught. He kept on telling me to be quite, but I wouldn't be. He then tried to get me off him, but I stayed on him, when finally a nun came in from another door! I kept on riding him, only for him to come right in front of her. I started to laugh, with a big grin on my face, and asked him right in front of the shocked nun how he thought the 'purification' went?

He got up cursing me, and as I got dressed, more nuns came in, looking at his naked body while he was trying to get his clothes back on. I told them all that their priest attacked me, that me made me take my clothes off for some kind of bullshit purification ceremony. As they ran out of the room, I told him he was quite the asshole, and asked how many nuns he had already fucked in here.

As I went to my room to get my belongings, I told the head nun that I had no intentions of staying in a place where priests rape woman and that I was going to report him. She was apologetic, but then began accusing me for what happend. I told her I would have her investigated as well if she kept blaming me for something I wasn't responsible for. All I know is that he was caught and whatever became of him is unknown, but at least the nuns got to see a dick!

QUOTE OF THE DAY

DIFUSING THE BOMB

I got up and starred at my empty bed, a place where illusions came to life, then disappeared right before my very eyes. Was it a dream? Was I delusional, inventing this phantom lover that was all in my head, even feeling so real that I believed it to be so?

Being a happy go lucky party girl, doing things my way, and liking what I do. I don't ask anyone's permission, I do what I want, like it or not. I'm the illusionist, I'm the fake, I'm the liar, I'm the one who sets the rules here, whatever makes them come back, and they all do, because they like it that way. I knew Dan was real, but whatever was in my bed only within minutes ago, if it was a dream that just left my bedroom, if it was a phantom I fucked, then that's what it is. If it comes back, I will enjoy it, and let it be whatever it may be. Dreams, illusions, thoughts, forming this man, a visitor who comes in the night, and perhaps not any different from the rest.

So I get back into my bed, and I will dream of Dan, the one who has been on my mind with mixed thoughts, telling myself he's a man who just happened to pick my apartment to come into and drop a bomb. Like my panthom, who came in and made himself real, defusing it and sorting it all out.

In a mean time, I will dream of someone real, who's above all the others, if just a little.

And just then, the phone rings and it's Dan. Perfect timing. He speaks to me in a low voice, and I can tell he's still in pain, dispite the pain killers he's on. I told him I was in bed, lying there naked, and his voice starts to shake, asking me when my next visit will be. I told him I didn't know, but that my thoughts are with him and that I wanted him to get better as soon as possible. Again he think's I'm signing him off, but I tell him that couldn't be the farthest thing on my mind.

He told me they want to release him soon, and asked if he can come by when he leaves the hospital. I told him he could, and he seemed pleased by my answer.

After a our conversation, I reasure myself that I will not go see him. He can come to my apartment and see where things go from there, but I will not go there. I gaze upward, and this time, careful of not creating faces from pieces of stucco above me. I enjoy the light illuminating all around me, creating a warm glow.

It's soothing, and just then, I hear someone come in. Is it my panthom lover again? Will I chase him down like I once did? Not this time. I greet my visitor and he joins me. We're now enjoying the warm glow above us together. Is he real? Who knows. I will embrace it and enjoy the company of my visitor. Can't keep my guest waiting now, can I?

DID DAN RETURN?

I could see I was off my usual beaten trail. I had to get back into my groove, and not letting anything or anyone get me off. So I had a crush on Dan, so what. He's handsome with a gorgeous body, and a huge one, yeah really! Maybe the blood and all that excitement really got me going there, maybe he was my 'real' phantom, someone I knew in fact was real.

So I was driving into town, getting reacquainted with the city around me, after all, apt 9 nine isn't my entire world you know. So I checked out the shops, and whatever struck me. I parked my car, and began to walk around, this time with more ease. I even thought about buying myself a new outfit. I ran into this one store that had really pretty things in the window, so I went in, and did just that. I bought myself some new capri's and a crop top to match it. It really looked cute on me.

I wondered what Dan's reaction would be to see me in it. But then Dan had to leave my mind, as it would be better that way. I came across an odd shop with a picture of a model from the 1960's on the front window, but the store seemed to be empty. I continued on, went into a drugstore, got a few things I needed, and headed back home. I wondered who came over today, but I didn't care. I would be home soon enough to find out.

My drive home was pleasant, and headed straight for my bathtub as soon as I got in. I ran the bath water, then took my clothes off, and soaked my body with lotion and other sweet smelling goodies.







I began caressing my own body, enjoying my thorough cleansing of myself, and then went into thought mode. Hmm, maybe this is not good. Been thinking too much lately about all the crap I've encountered, and I had to give my brain a rest. I continued sponging myself off, but still sat in the tub to play with the suds. Like when I was little.

The first secret I ever heard was the one my mother told me. I was only 8 years old when she took me in her bedroom and proceeded to plop me on her bed. She began to tell me that my father was not my real father. Then she told me not to tell 'daddy' as he would get real angry if he knew. I just sat there in mass confusion of what she had just confessed to me, but the real question is why she told me in the first place. And why would she tell an 8 year old such a thing? Couldn't she at least wait to tell me when I was older, and perhaps at an age where I could have been able to comprehend it better? I never told my dad what I knew, I kept the secret all my life, without telling anyone. See, I told you I could keep a secret.

I finally got out, drying myself when I felt faint for some reason. I hurried up, as I wanted to lay down, but first I applied lotion, this time a different type, all over my nude body. It felt good rubbing it all over myself, yet preferring Dan doing it for me. Well, he wasn't here and it was me applying it to my own arms, legs, breasts, and my stomach. I layed down in bed, thinking of my day, yet feeling alone, and thinking of Dan. Among all my visitors, why would I like him? I just lay there having these erotic thoughts of him and I making love.

I was dozing off when someone came in. All I could do was to suggest he leave, but he wouldn't have it. He started to caress my body, as his touch was amazing, and nothing to compare to what I was doing to myself in the tub. The light was off, but there was light coming in from my bedroom window, casting a golden hue, similar to the light in Dan's hospital room from the night before.

Dan had came back to my apartment! But why would he be let out of the hospital so soon? Were his wound's healed by now? All I knew is that he was with me and I would ask questions later, as now he was making love to me, and that's all that mattered. Oh how wonderful. He told me I was the most sensual woman he ever had, that he loved the way I tasted, and my fresh smooth body overwhelmed him. He kissed my lips hard, grabbed me up close to him, and sucked every part of me. He then massaged my breasts, and then my belly, with strokes that hit my G spot, entering me with force.

His rock hard body seemed a little different, free of bandages, which I thought was a little strange, but was too infatuated to think this through right then. I could barley see his face, yet his touch was familiar, and I loved every thrust, every move Dan made inside me. He then pulled out, and turned me over, putting his penis in me again, feeling his rock hard stomach against my ass. He then lifted me up, and my arms leaned against the headboard, pressing my belly with his hands from behind me. He said he loved the muscles in my belly and had to press into them. He continued his thrusts, pulling my hair from behind, caressing my back up and down my spine, then turning me over again, this time facing me, and holding my arms above my head. He wouldn't stop fucking me, as I could see his abs tense up, and looking further down, seeing his dick going in and out of me.

We were flowing with each others juices, and I began to come. My screams were uncontrollable, having multiple orgasms, with him finally coming with a loud moaning sound that wouldn't stop. Our sweat saturated the sheets, and if this was any indication of Dan being in my bed every night, if this is how he would make love to me, then I wanted him with me all the time.

My head fell back, my eyes closed, and all I could do was to just lye there to regain my breath. A cool breeze seemed to come into the room, cooling me off, a much needed comfort. I didn't want his mouth to leave my vagina, only to touch it as it felt sore. He gave me a good workout, so it was expected to feel like that. I thought of both of us taking a shower, or perhaps a bath together, as my sweat ran down all over me. My breast's were still hard, and I wanted more, but as he lay on me to rest, suddenly I felt weightlessness. I opened my eyes and I saw a shadow. Dan wasn't on me anymore. It was like no one was there. I cleared my eyes, lifting up my head, and then to my astonishment, I was alone.

I felt I was now insane.