Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A RAINY DAY IN NEW ORLEANS

The incident with Dan was just another set back to deal with. I never thought it would end like this. My delusional visions of ridiculous thoughts of him and I were really in the way of the reality of things. Yet I never thought it would end the way it did. Soon after I threw Dan out of my apartment, and asked him to never return again, it began to rain. The day was gloomy, with gray clouds, and now very wet. Yet when I looked out to the street from my apartment window, it had a peaceful look to it, very scenic, very pretty and very sad.





I rarely get sad, but today was one of those days. My dream of being in a distant land, investigating all that was foreign to me, allowing me to indulge in what seemed to be secret alley ways that let to somewhere, to doors that led to a home, windows to look out from once inside. I wanted to go back to my dream, if only I could. I thought of Dan, and still wondered why he got to me like he did. Why him? I convinced myself he was like all the rest, and would be better off not to deal with a situation that would never work in the first place.

In my usual laid back disposition, I found myself just hanging out, nursing my headache, and still dealing with my painted body. This crap can stay on for days, so I didn't think much of it, and just chilled. And cried. From the wild night before, and the shower fuck with Dan, I had to calm down from it all, and made myself some hot tea.

The day proceeded to carry on, and the evening wasn't too much better. Before I could get over my slump, I would have to go through it, and it didn't feel very good. I thought about going on a vacation, and a friend of mine had not too long ago asked to take me to the Bahamas. Maybe that would be the thing to do. In a mean time, I was miserable.



The rain came poring down, but it didn't seem to stop my visitors from coming over. I'm sure they were surprised my door was locked, and I just ignored their arrival. Soon they would leave and the sound of silence was golden to my ears. Even with my head hurting, I enjoyed the sound of the rain hitting the cement streets like a ton of bricks. As I looked out from my window again, the street view was desolate, with it's soaking wet sidewalks and the illumination of gray all around. The street lights didn't have it's usual and somewhat golden hue. It was just a gloomy gray evening.

I turned the television on, hardly with any sound, and there I saw a woman's face taking up the entire screen. It looked strange and wondered what it meant, but I didn't want to hear anything, so the visual alone was going to have to do. The images seemed strange, like two faces in one. The visual effects intrigued me, and whatever the story line was became useless, just figures on the screen were good enough. It looked like the woman was in dispare, and I related. Soon I thought to myself, a good secret would be an interesting cure, and before I knew it, I was told one.


As I reminisced of the night before, I knew I would never invite Dan to something like that. How he found out puzzled me, but bad news travels fast, and so he knew. I could always disguise it, but then why should I? Right? What do YOU think? It was just a party and some parties get carried away. I knew if I wanted to, I could probably come up with something convincing, but he wasn't coming back anyway so it didn't matter. Dan was still a stranger to me, just like the rest, and maybe if I continue to repeat myself with the same words, I could possibly believe the hype I was saying, although true to some extent. Right now I just wanted my headache and the paint on my body to go away. After the first initial scrub, my headache was foremost on my list to rid, so I tried to sleep it off.