Monday, April 27, 2009

WAS I IN A DIFFERENT PLACE?

As my mind is trying to focus, my body has become limp as a two ton sack. I want to move my arms so as to indicate to myself that I still have them. It seems like my entire body has disappeared on itself and I just can't move. My eyes are roaming around my bedroom as if to locate things familiar to me. I see my dresser, then I see a mirror reflecting a painting that I have hanging on the opposite side of the wall across from it. It glistens and makes light bounce onto another wall, but there is light all around me regardless, and I don't know where it's coming from. I suddenly am able to move my legs, but only separating them not very far apart from each other. With a cloud of whiteness that's all around me, my body felt torn apart from a beautiful man that took total control of me, and took every ounce from me, body, mind and soul. I knew this was only the beginning of what this man had to give, and I wanted more. He was capable of doing greater things and I wanted all he could do to me.

Was I in a different place? I felt so strange. It was like dejavue all over again. My phantom lover comes to visit me from what appears to be a face that forms from my ceiling above, as I gaze at all the intricate spots only to form a face that stares at me, connecting into a body that enters me with the greatest force only a phantom can give. He seeks me out like prey in a jungle, ready for the jugular, and ready to pounce. I seek him more and more, but he comes only at will, when it's only good for him. Perhaps he's visiting other woman whom he makes his prey as well, and comes back when he wants to rip you apart. He has no face, then shows himself as beautiful and handsome as can be, he has no voice, yet speaks poetically that puts you in a trance and leaves you only with thoughts of what no other man can do. Suddenly, I hear someone speaking, but it's not anyone in the room with me. It's coming from my living room, and I immediately realize it's the t.v. Did I leave it on?

Before I know it, I'm up out of my bed, and staring at the television. I didn't know how I got to the living room so fast. I notice a face that look's familiar, only to realize he was the man who came into my apartment not very long ago, and confessed to me how he killed a man and dumped his body into a cardboard box. The odd thing I remember is that he didn't have any blood on his shirt or anywhere else on him. I remember saying how he was sitting on the edge of my bed, swaying back and forth, thinking he would slip right off and fall. He left with some coaxing, yearning to stay longer. I insisted that he leave and was relieved he did so. His confession to me was erie, yet with hearing all the secrets I've heard for so long from so many men, so many horrible ones that I've learned to keep and not tell, I was glad to see this horrible person caught.




As I walk back into my bedroom, I suddenly feel sick. I felt disconnected somehow and wondered if my phantom lover was still there waiting for me. Was he there? Has he left? I suddenly feel like I'm floating, and find myself at my bedroom window looking out and seeing him at the sidewalk waving up at me. I wave back, wanting him to not leave, and feeling so terribly sad. Then I turn to my bed and with much surprise, I see him there smiling at me. As I look outside my window again, I see no one, and climb into my bed again feeling his strong body. "I would never leave you", he said to me. I cuddle up close to him and and I feel his strong body close to mine. Yet it's as if we both weren't really there, as if we were both invisible. Within minutes I fell asleep.

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